Monster
by its.intoxicating
Summary: It has been a year since Kate died, and no one is taking it really well. Ziva is having some trouble too and Tony gets angry, but does she deserve it? Trying to be Ziva-centric.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not in any** **way own NCIS. I am just using DPB's wonderful characters.**

_I have been really curious about the way that Ziva dealt with killing Ari, and eveyone else thinking of him as a monster. This could be a slight Tiva, Jibbs, and McAbby. But none of that is the main focus. This is more Ziva-centric. I really love that character and how deep she can go. There are a couple bad words. Hope that doesn't offend anyone, if it does...uhhh get over it._

i.i.

* * *

**_Monster_**

_Bang._

Ziva jolted up from her bed. She was drenched in sweat and was breathing hard. _Not again. Not again._ She shook it off and went to her kitchen to grab a glass of water to cool down.

…

Walking into the office she noticed that the usual din was gone. This only happened when everyone in the NCIS building knew that Gibbs was on the warpath. Tony was sitting at his desk trying to keep his attention glued to his computer screen, but Ziva noticed Tony's glance to her when she walked in the room.

"Where's Gibbs?" she asked, not sure whether she should be playful or not.

"Went to get some more coffee," said McGee. "Second cup of the morning."

"Why is he so upset? What's going…" she stopped as eveyone's eyes slide to Ziva's empty desk.

"I…I forgot," She stuttered.

The words stung Tony and made him pissed off.

"Forgot? Don't you remember? Uh, Ziva? Don't you remember that bastard Ari, your undercover agent, shooting Kate in her head," he shouted while getting closer to Ziva and poked her in the head where the bullet went through to emphasize his point.

Tony went in for a second tap when Ziva grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back. "Back off Tony!" she shouted. "I didn't mean that I forgot…that," she said while releasing his arm.

…

Gibbs walked back into the office and the tension was noticeable. Ziva and Tony wouldn't even look at each other. _Shit. This was going to be a long day._

"DiNozzo, with me."

"Yes sir, boss," Tony said jumping up from his chair unsure of where they were going. Gibbs walked up the stairs to Director Shepard's office. Cynthia didn't even try to stop him this time. Suddenly Gibbs stopped before the door and Tony practically ran into him.

"Sit."

"Sor..uhh, OK boss," Tony said utterly confused.

…

"Hello, Jethro." Jen said to him in a very professional tone.

"Is there anything that we will be called into today?" Gibbs said rather directly.

"I don't know of anything, and we have Cassidy's team picking up the slack if anything does come in."

"Good. Today my team is desk jockeys. I don't think they would be much use out there, Jen," his eyes had finally softened.

"I am sorry about Kate. I wish I could have met her."

"She would have liked you," Gibbs said walking out the door.

"Boss…" Tony started, but Gibbs cut him off.

"It is a paperwork day today Tony. And give Ziva a break, you don't know everything Tony." Gibbs said to him, so only he could hear, walking down the stairs.

…

The day was almost over and the paperwork had been mind numbing, and both Tony and Ziva behaved.

McGee finished first and went to see if Abby wanted to go get something to drink. Soon it turned into almost every member of the team in a bar drowning their sorrows.

Ziva wasn't there and Tony noticed.

_What is a matter with her? She is being so….so cold. Kate was my partner for two years. She was my friend, my… How could Ziva be so indifferent to me, to everyone, all day?_

Gibbs looked at Tony and knew what he was thinking.

"She had some extra work to finish when I left Tony." Gibbs said to him in his authoritative voice to show how serious he was about this.

"She should be here." Tony told him.

"She has her own things to deal with Tony. Cut her some slack."

…

_Bang._

She woke up again, thoroughly confused as to where she was. At her desk. She must have finished her extra work and just passed out where she was. She kept having the same dream. She knew what day it was, and what day was coming._ I am so glad the weekend is here. I am ready to relax and hog out._

When she got home she noticed something different. It was Tony sitting in her couch. She could smell the Scotch emanating off of him. He sat there and he was staring at something in his hands.

"Tony what are you doing here?" Ziva said not laughing; she was tired and did not want to deal with a drunk Tony.

"Wha…What is this?" Tony said as non-slurringly as possible, while he picked up a photo. It was of Ari and Ziva more than six months before he had been shot. "Is this why you were so cold today? Because instead of mourning Kate, you were mourning the _monster_ that killed her?"

Ziva quickly and quietly pulled the photo from Tony's hand with her left and pushed her right hand over his throat and easily used her whole body in pushing the drunken frame of Tony against the wall that had shelves of pictures, where Tony originally got the photo. This made a thump. Ziva put her face next to his cheek and whispered into his ear, trying hard not to squeeze the life out of him.

"He was not a monster," Ziva said in a low, scary whisper, as if daring Tony to make a move. "He was my everything…before." She let him go and put the photo back it belonged, backwards facing the wall.

* * *

Ok. So this was supposed to be a one shot but it doesn't have to be. I could/ can add another chapter. I kinda like the way it ends but it can keep going. PLEASE REVIEW!!

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	2. Chapter 2

**Hello wonderful with whom I could not live. Ok. So if anyone is following my other story (The One Left behind) then they know I don't actually ever update because...well, i am just plain lazy. Sorry. Here is the second chapter. All of the mistakes are my own. Thank you sooooo much for the wonderful reviews. They really did help me get me off my ass. Oh there is a bad word in the stroy so be careful. That was just it. Ok enjoy.**

i.i.

Chapter II

She couldn't get up. She was too tired, but she was too awake to sleep. She just sat in bed staring at the ceiling forcing herself not to cry. She was supposed to be running_. What am I doing? Tony looked so…beaten. What was I supposed to do? Tell him that I killed Ari? I couldn't do that. _

…

Tony woke up with a pounding headache and unsure of how he got home. He remembered going to the pub. He remembered getting in a taxi, but not to home… POW! His fist hit his kitchen wall. He remembered going to Ziva's house and finding a picture of that bastard in her house. They looked happy together. That only made it worse. _Ziva is in love with a monster. How fitting._

…

Walking into NCIS headquarters Gibbs knew that today was going to be another bad day. He looked at Ziva, who apparently went running all night in her sleep or just didn't sleep. Tony was about to burst with anger. Every move he made was forced.

"David, with me," he said walking to the elevator.

Flicking the emergency switch, he looked at the broken Ziva. "Do you need to take a day? I would understand."

"NO," she said a little too forcefully. "I mean, I don't need to go home. I am just tired. It's no big deal."

"You wouldn't happen to know why Tony is so angry at you, do you?"

"You mean other than the fact that he thinks that Ari and I were lovers and that I don't care about him the team or Kate, or maybe you were talking about how I almost ripped his head off when he came over to my home last night," she let it out all at once, as though she had been waiting for someone to ask. She looked down at her feet.

"He went to your house?," was all Gibbs said to her rant.

"What…uhh yeah. He came over to yell at me about not caring, when he saw a picture of me and Ari. He called Ari a monster, Gibbs. I guess I kinda fricked out."

"Ziva, Ari is a monster."

Her hand went across his face so fast that he barely even saw it.

"He was my brother. He was corrupted. He was…mine."

Gibbs looked at her knowing how much pain she was feeling. "He might have been all those things, but at some point what you knew as Ari became a monster. Ari died a long time ago Ziva."

He flicked the switch and left Ziva in the elevator giving her strict orders to go home sleep and never, ever slap Gibbs again.

**She did what!! Blowing my mind...right now. OMG! Ok. I will try to update as soon as possible. Next chapter is going to be a little maudlin. Well to be honest most of the chapters have been kinda maudlin. so expect more of the same. PLEASE REVIEW!! i.i.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter III

**Here is the next installment of my doom. Sorry it took forever. I would make up something clever, but it is like 2 am and I am really fucking tired. Oh yeah, by the way there is cursing in the story. No Beta. Regular disclaimer. If it doesn't make sense, I will fix tomorrow. My muse struck and I just started typing, not really sure what came out.**

After a while McGee noticed Ziva had not rejoined them after meeting with Gibbs in his 'office'.

"Where's Ziva boss?" McGee asked, completely oblivious to all of the drama that had been going on around him.

"She went home. She wasn't feeling well McGee. Don't you have some work to do?" Gibbs said in an aggravated tone.

"I'm sure," Tony said under his breath.

"What was that DiNozzo?"

"Nothing Boss. Just saying that it interesting how Ziva seems to disappear at convenient times."

"DiNozzo with me," Gibbs yelled while walking into his 'office' for another meeting.

_Two in one day. Geez, I think I missed something._

"McGee, go to lunch." Gibbs yelled before the elevator doors closed.

_And he wants me out of the office. Maybe he is having a stroke? Oh well, I wonder what Tony is so peeved about. I mean we are all upset by Kate's death, even Ziva. I can tell Ziva is having a hard time even if Tony can't see it. Maybe I should bring her some soup. It always makes me feel better when I am sick. _With that McGee left for Ziva's house.

…

Ziva was not having a good day to say the least. Tony was being an even bigger asshole than usual. Ari's and Kate's death anniversary was here. She slapped Gibbs _(What the fuck was I thinking. Although I did not know that Gibb's face could do that)._ And to top it off her father just left her a message on her answering machine telling her to get to Mossad headquarters as soon as possible and call him using a secure phone line. _Great! Just what I need. Another scolding about how my life was going somewhere and is now being put to no use in America_. She had this fight with her father almost every couple months or so. He hated her in America, and that is why she stayed.

The knock on her door woke her from her day not-so-nice-dreaming. _Who could possibly be at my door. It is probably some Nazis' wanting to exterminate me and my people. That would just put a fucking cherry on top of my day._

It was McGee…with a container of soup. Sometimes Americans just really did not make sense.

"What are you doing here McGee?" Ziva said looking particularly exasperated.

"Gibbs said you were sick, so," holding up the container, " I brought you some chicken noodle soup…to, y'know, make you feel better."

All of a sudden Ziva just couldn't help herself from laughing, hysterically. She justed laughed so hard that she began to cry.

"Ziva…" McGee said in a worried tone.

"I'm…fine…just…need…air…" she spit out between laughs. After getting herself under control she said, "Thank you so much McGee for the soup. It means a lot to me that you would come all the way out here on your lunch break to bring this to me." All of a sudden Ziva became very sad. _He wasted his time coming out here because Ari is my brother. My brother killed his best friend. Oh my god…Tony, McGee, Abby. How could they ever like me if they knew that?_

Noticing something was wrong McGee said, "Ziva are you sure you are okay? Come sit down."

"I am an awful person. My secrets are eating me and my life alive," Ziva said rapidly in Hebrew not even realizing that she was talking in a different language.

"Ziva what are you saying? Speak English. Are you okay? I am worried about you."

"You shouldn't be. I am an awful person, McGee. You should hate me. I have done things…"

"Stop Ziva. I don't need to know. I, we, have known that you have done 'things' in the past, but we still love you. It was a family is for, Ziva. Don't worry. We don't blame you for Kate's death, or think that you took her place," McGee said guessing at the problem. "You couldn't take her place. We wouldn't want you to. We want you."

McGee and Ziva sat on the couch for maybe five minutes with Ziva staring out the window, and McGee staring at her. He wasn't sure what to do. "Ziva, Ziva…are you okay?"

"Ari?"

**Okay, I don't know what just happened, so don't ask me. Also uhhhhh seeson finale!! Grrr Argh! For the one left behind readers: I have half of the next chapter written, just need some inspiration for a flashback, so fun stuff... Hope you enjoyed and if you didn't I don't really wanna hear about it so...**

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	4. Chapter 4

**So...uhh...hey! Hee hee... Okay, yeah it has been like months since I last updated. I feel really really awful, but I would like to say that the reviews you guys sent really made me come back to this, so thanks! I actually have some of the next chapter written so that's good. As for The One Left Behind, I am getting there. Having a little trouble getting started again, but it will happen. I unforunately am a person who just is extremely lazy! I am sorry and here it is. Have I said sorry yet?**

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Chapter IIII

Earlier that day in Tele Aviv at Mossad Headquarters….

"What do you mean someone ordered the life of my daughter?" yelled the Deputy Director of Mossad in Hebrew at a very scared messenger.

"Sir, we just got the order forms today, they sent Mior."

"WHO?"

…

The same day in the NCIS Headquarters' elevator….

"Tony you need to get over whatever your problem is with Ziva…now!" Gibbs practically yelled at him the moment they got into the elevator.

"Boss, Ari was her…," Tony was cut off by Gibbs.

"I don't care. Ziva had a life before NCIS, as we all did. Ari was a monster to us…"  
"And the love of her life to Ziva!" Tony cut in.

"Tony don't talk about things you don't understand," Gibbs said, looking a little uneasy.

"Boss… You knew! And you kept it from all of us!" Tony practically yelled back at him.

"DiNozzo. Get back to work," he said while flipping the elevator switch.

Flipping the switch back to stop, Tony looked at him and said, "There is more. What is it? Where they married?"

"Tony, they were never in love or married or any of the twisted things that are going through your head!," he took a deep breath and continued. "She was his control officer. Her life was fitted around his. They were friends. They were a lot to each other, and then he ended up not being the man she thought he was. I am sure you know what that feels like, Tony…"

They left the elevator in silence, none happy with the outcome of that talk.

…

Around the same time in Ziva's apartment….

"Ari?"

"What?!" said a very surprised McGee.

"Nothing. I have just been thinking about that week for a while.

"Ziva. It's not your fault he is dead. He was a bad man…"

"He wasn't always…," Ziva said grasping for conformation.

"Maybe. But he did become something awful and you couldn't do anything to stop that. It's not your fault."

"maybe" she whispered.

After silence from Ziva for the next 20 minutes, McGee knew he had to leave. He didn't know what was going on. But Ziva was not well. That was for sure. "I have got to go Ziva. Okay?"

"Yeah. See you tomorrow," not looking him in the eye.

**Uh Oh! I hope Ziva will be okay!! I honesly don't know! Will really update as soon as possible! Promise (sorta).**

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	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys. I think this is my quickest update ever! Yea! Ok, yeah I know. I am really bad at this 'update quickly' thing, but I am gettting better. I was struck by inspiration and I know where the whole story will go and how it will end. So, I think about 10 chapters or less in total. Enjoy! Sorry again.**

**i.i.**

**....  
**

**Chapter V**

_Ohh, Ziva. It has been a long time. I can't wait to talk to you again._ The man thought while Ziva got up from bed to change into her running clothes for an early morning run. _Ohh, this will be fun._

At Mossad Headquarters…

*"We have proof she killed an operative, _Deputy_ Director. This has nothing to do with you or the fact that she is your daughter," said the actual Director of Mossad in sharp Hebrew.

"I agree completely…if you have the evidence. I would like to remind you that Ziva is one of our best interrogators and found 3 Hamas cells in one interrogation… it took her 10 minutes," her father said trying to protect the only family he had left.

"I know her record very well and if she holds up in her own interrogation she will live to see another day…in America, working for the man who _supposedly_ killed Ari," he said ending the conversation.

"Thank you, sir."*

At the park…

_Faster. Push. Stop slacking. You are Mossad. Run! What if your father was here to see this? He would be disgusted. Run, Ziva!_ Ziva had run through the park three times and had not stopped. She was somehow still going remarkably fast, but not as fast as usual.

Suddenly a black van screeched around the corner and stopped down the block from Ziva. Ziva stopped running and turned her head, breathing hard. A man got out of the running van. _Wow, what an entrance. If Tony were here he would probably make a comment about how cliché this is. A Black van, with a guy…oh my god…is that Mior?!_

Having walked down the street, Ziva was sure that the man standing in front of her was Mior.

*"Hello Ziva."

"Mior?" Ziva said disbelievingly.

"Haven't seen you since Tehran."

"You bastard," she said right before she slapped him.

"Okay, I probably deserved th.."

Ziva ran to him and basically tackled him. Still standing upright, he wrapped his hands around her slim waist. Ziva had started to run her hands through his soft hair.

Keeping their foreheads together after a mind-blowing kiss, she said, "What the fuck are you doing here? You are supposed to be dead."

"Came to see you."

"You," she said pulling away slightly, "are full of shit."

"True, but I am here to see you. I'm on a mission."

At this Ziva pulled away completely. She knew what was about to happen. Her father… _God damn it._

Deciding to go with innocent child she said, "What mission?"

"Ziva… I got my orders yesterday. You killed Ari."

The words stung, not only because they were true, but because someone finally said it.

"Wha.. What the fuck are you talking about?" she yelled angrily. "I did not kill my fucking brother. You know that. I know you know that. Fuck you," she said walking away from him.

"You know where we're going, don't you."

"I am not doing it. I have a job here. They would worry."

"HA! Ziva. Do you hear yourself? Your job is with Mossad not with NCIS. Who the fuck cares about NCIS??"

"I do."

"No! No, you don't. You just want to run away from everything, everyone."

"Now is not the time to psychoanalyze me, Mior!... I am supposing the Director wants this done quickly and quietly," she said regaining composure.

"Yes. Come with me quietly, or you can be injected with a sedative."

"Inject me with the sedative. I like the aftertaste," she said with such venom that Mior felt he had been slapped.*

Sticking the needle into her arm, she slumped against him, and he carried her into the van. Laying her down with reverence, he yelled for the others to start driving.

The black van rocketed down the street leaving tire treads in its wake, not aware that the video camera from the Dutch embassy caught the whole ordeal on tape.

**.....**

**I really like the Dutch. I am in a play right now where I have to be Dutch, so yeah. Ok. For the readers of The One Left Behind. I know. Seriously. I am trying. I am writing a Torchwood story, and have decided to write the whole thing before posting it. It's a breakthrough! Keep your eyes open for more chapters for everything. **

**i.i.**

**p.s. If you don't know about Torchwood or Doctor Who, you world is a sad, desolate place. See ya soon!  
**


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